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Thursday 24 October 2013

Beautiful imperfection and a big dog!

While having a cup of tea with a lovely friend recently we were talking about our family dog Mali - a 44 kg Rhodesian ridge back cross.



While deciding what sort of dog to choose my family had many discussions about the usual things - age, size, breed, hair shedding and so on. Our daughter, who had pleaded with us for years to have a dog was the expert so when she suggested we look at pet rescue we began to search the web. We were amazed and distressed to see so many puppies and grown dogs that needed homes. It didn't take long for us to make the decision to have a rescue dog. 

As we reflected on our choice I began to realise that we needed to let go of some of the expectations we had previously had about our new puppy. With a rescue dog there were no guarantees - we were taking a risk by choosing a dog whose history we would know little about. 

This made me think about the social expectations we have around the search for perfection. We are bombarded with messages to accept nothing less than perfect, and therefore we can get caught up in wanting our bodies, our houses, our jobs, our food and even our pets to be just right, to fit a certain mould. When we have the resources that enable us to make choices I wonder if we take this ability to choose too far and as a result lose the possibilities that chance can give us. I also wonder if we are creating unrealistic expectations for ourselves as life is far from "perfect" and we certainly can't control everything that happens to us. When our lives in general don't measure up it can be a shock that an expectation of perfection certainly doesn't prepare us for. 

If we only look for perfection it can also mean that we may miss out on the wonderful and unexpected joy that imperfection can bring us. Instead we can learn to be flexible, to take some risks, to open our hearts a bit more and see beauty when it's not so obvious. I have found that letting go of the search for perfection has given me permission to relax a bit, to be less critical of myself and others. This has given me more space to see that what isn't so perfect is often just what I need and that often I need look no further than what I already have in front of me. 

We wanted a medium sized dog that didn't shed hair. We ended up with a very large dog whose hair we constantly have to sweep up!! She is also gentle, intelligent, pretty, funny and loyal and has given us so much love and happiness. Mali is not perfect that's for sure, but she is the right dog for us and we are all so happy we took a little risk because there is no way we could have preordered a dog like her! 


Sunday 13 October 2013

Cousins' day

Today was my family's annual cousins get together. It was an outrageously windy day and much of our time was spent trying to keep table cloths and small babies from flying away.  As my children are teenagers I was fortunate enough to be able to relax (no chance of them being carried off ) and enjoy the company of my extended family. I met new partners, went gooey over new babies, and fell in love with my cousin's 2 year old son as I watched him play with my children. I laughed with my great Aunty who proudly declared "I'm 88 and not dead yet!". It was extra special to see her this year, as my precious Oma, her sister, recently died and I loved being with someone so like her - listening to her accent, seeing her smile, and loving her similar attitude towards life, and death.

Our Cousins' Day began after my great grandmother died as a way to keep the family in touch, knowing that without her as a connection it would be easy to lose contact, with our families living further apart and inevitably getting caught up in our own lives. Now 20 years later, I have many wonderful memories and have built connections and friendships with family that I may otherwise never have seen or got to know. My 10 year old second or third (not sure exactly) cousin is now the mother of that gorgeous 2 year old. My kids know that they are part of something bigger than their immediate family, and I hope as they observe all of us together, they learn something about what makes our family unique. I also hope, actually this is more important, that they see that our family is pretty much the same as any other. We all have our good times and bad. We grow up, we find love, sometimes it doesn't last, but it can and when it does we celebrate it, and the family grows. We get old, we admire and support our elders and we grieve together when they leave us.

Taking time to contemplate the sense of belonging that family creates is definitely worth a few cups of tea. I look forward to sharing some tea with my cousins on a less windy Cousins' Day next year as we celebrate its 21st birthday.



 




Wednesday 9 October 2013

Please join me for a cuppa!

Hello and welcome to tea and contemplation.

After playing around for a while with blogger I have finally decided to take the plunge and make a public blog. It is a little scary to put my thoughts out into the world, however I do believe in the power of words and reflection, and hopefully by writing I will be able to sort my own ideas out a bit more and maybe even give you a reason to stop and have a cup of tea as you read and think.

Clearly having a cuppa is to me one of life's pleasures. The ritual of making the tea (even if it is usually only with a teabag!) and then drinking it, gives me a reason to slow down and take some time for myself.  I try my best to drink mindfully - to enjoy the moment, but there are still times when I look into the empty cup and realise I can barely remember drinking and have only just noticed that the tea is all gone. Then I am reminded that everyday routines provide endless opportunities for mindfulness. A cup of tea can be a trigger to stop, clear my mind and make some space for quiet contemplation.

Sharing and making tea for others is a way to show love and friendship. I have spent many hours talking, laughing, crying or just being quiet together over a cup of tea, with the people that matter to me. (My partner tells me that he has made me approximately 16790 cups of tea in our years together!). My hope is that tea and contemplation may become a place where ideas are shared and the every day is celebrated.

Vanna


“Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves - slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future.” 
 - Thich Nhat Hanh